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A collection of safety jokes, mostly old ones and the origins are unknown. If any of these jokes are registered copyright please let me know and I will remove.

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Last update: 13/05/2007

Poem of the YEAR

In memory of Allan St John Holt OBE who past away this year. Allan has spent more than 30 years on IOSH’s Council of Management and has represented IOSH at several Parliamentary Select Committee hearings. He has also held the position of Treasurer of IOSH for four years. He also had a full time job as well as his writing, thanks for the lectures, thanks for the books and most of all thanks for the contributions to safetyphoto.

A contribution from Allan St John Holt OBE, Book link

THE AMBULANCE IN THE VALLEY – A TALE FOR OUR TIMES

'Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,

Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;

But over its terrible edge there had slipped

A duke and full many a peasant.

So the people said something would have to be done,

But their projects did not at all tally;

Some said, "Put a fence 'round the edge of the cliff,"

Some, "An ambulance down in the valley."

But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,

For it spread through the neighbouring city;

A fence may be useful or not, it is true,

But each heart became full of pity

For those who slipped over the dangerous cliff;

And the dwellers in highway and alley

Gave pounds and gave pence, not to put up a fence,

But an ambulance down in the valley.

"For the cliff is all right, if you’re careful," they said,

"And, if folks ever slip and are dropping,

It isn't the slipping that hurts them so much

As the shock down below when they're stopping."

So day after day, as these mishaps occurred,

Quick forth would those rescuers sally

To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff,

With their ambulance down in the valley.

Then an old sage remarked: "It's a marvel to me

That people give far more attention

To repairing results than to stopping the cause,

When they'd much better aim at prevention.

Let us stop at its source all this mischief," cried he,

"Come, neighbours and friends, let us rally;

If the cliff we will fence, we might almost dispense

With the ambulance down in the valley."

"Oh he's a fanatic," the others rejoined,

"Dispense with the ambulance? Never!

He'd dispense with all charities, too, if he could;

No! No! We'll support them forever.

Aren't we picking up folks just as fast as they fall?

And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he?

Why should people of sense stop to put up a fence,

While the ambulance works in the valley?"

But the sensible few, who are practical too,

Will not bear with such nonsense much longer;

They believe that prevention is better than cure,

And their party will soon be the stronger.

Encourage them then, with your purse, voice, and pen,

And while other philanthropists dally,

They will scorn all pretence, and put up a stout fence

On the cliff that hangs over the valley.